Dear Ana… (from a fellow survivor)

Hello again everyone!  Before we post the second of your amazing letters to the lead characters in Fifty Shades, we have a couple of little plugs:

1. Next month, we want to turn Twitter into a series of photos from our fabulous followers, telling the world what Fifty Shades is to them.  Please, please do get involved.  Here’s how to go about it: http://50shadesisdomesticabuse.webs.com/apps/blog/show/41496305-fifty-shades-is- We’re really hoping to see this one fly, so please do download the PDF and join in when we start posting photos in April.  All photos will be used in a campaign video (unless any contributor specifically asks us not to use theirs) and we’re very excited about seeing how much attention this campaign will get! :D

2.  After reading that fans have started a petition to request that the forthcoming Fifty Shades film gets an earlier release date, because they’re just SO excited about seeing the “love story” on screen, we decided to start our own online petition to have the movie either pulled, or screened with a content warning regarding the romanticised abuse.  Please do give it a quick sign!  https://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/all-concerned-with-the-fifty-shades-movie-we-ask-you-to-consider-pulling-this-movie-or-at-least-screening-it-with-a-content-warning” target=”_blank” rel=”nofollow”>http://https://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/all-concerned-with-the-fifty-shades-movie-we-ask-you-to-consider-pulling-this-movie-or-at-least-screening-it-with-a-content-warning

So, onto the next of your letters to Ana/Christian.  Following the last one, written to Christian by a fellow Dom, here’s a letter to Ana, from a female survivor of an abusive relationship.  Again, thank you to those of you who’ve been sending your letters in to us for this.  There’s still a little time to get yours to us: 50shadesabuse@gmail.com if you want to take part.

“Dear Ana,

We’re not so dissimilar, you and I.  I have long brown hair and big eyes, too.  I studied English at college and like you were, I was pretty niave about sex and relationships.  And like you, I met an abusive man who took advantage and abused me.

Hear me out, Ana.  I know you don’t see your “Fifty Shades” as being abusive.  But everything he says and does to you scares me.  Why?  Because I’ve been there, done that and had the therapy as a result.

For instance, you say Christian uses sex as a weapon.  My ex did the same.  And just like you, it didn’t really matter what I wanted in the bedroom, as long as he was getting his way.  It didn’t matter if I said no.  Ana, when a man forces himself on you, it’s rape, not BDSM or anything else you want to call it.  When he only cares about his sexual desires and treats you like an object to be used, it’s abuse.

You “joke” that Christian is a stalker.  There’s nothing funny about it.  I remember my ex turning up outside my new house and being paralysed with fear.  I’d never given him my address, just like you’d never given Christian yours, the first time he went to your home.  It’s not romance, or passion.  Tracing your cell phone, or turning up unannounced is creepy, Ana.

Just like I did, time after time you tell Christian “no” and he ignores you.  You say “no” to anal sex.  He says yes.  You say “no” to being a 24/7 submissive, but he controls every aspect of your life anyway.  You say “no” to having your skin marked during “punishment sex” on your honeymoon and he buys you expensive jewelry to make it all better again.  He’s not sorry, Ana.  He’s only sorry you kicked up a fuss about it.

None of what is happening is your fault.  You’re inexperienced and Christian has manipulated you into thinking you’re responsible for “fixing” him.  You’re not.  He is.  And he doesn’t want to be fixed.

Ana, we’re pretty alike, you and I.  I got out of my abusive relationship, once I recognised that’s what it was.  You can too.  Open your eyes to the way your “Fifty Shades” treats you.  Get some help and get as far away from him as possible.  He’s not a “white knight” as you once called him.  There’s nothing heroic about abuse.”

Advertisements
Dear Ana… (from a fellow survivor)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s